It encapsulates all my thoughts and so I’d like to share it…It reads:

I felt like a J-E-R-K for staying home yesterday since I was already given a kindness in being able to go home at all but I’m glad I stayed home. I was a mess. Kristyn also stayed home from her internship (but worked from home) but the two of us were like sad clowns all day. We sat in our pajamas with that single Native American tear running down our ruddy faces all day. We were/are shell-shocked to be suddenly thrown out of LA and into our real homes in NJ with our families. We saw a ton of our families and had a really good time despite the fact that we were there under not ideal circumstances. So it was just as shocking to be suddenly thrown OUT of our home again and back to LA. We were only gone a few days but it felt strange and uncomfortable to be here again. What KILLS us is that Nana is still here with us but we just don’t have any more time with her. That’s it, the clock runneth out. Her hands, her hug, her voice, her whipsmart dry sense of humor, there’s more but I can’t have it. It’s my worst nightmare come true and we did it to ourselves. What’s more is that we KNEW this could happen but had to actively ignore the thought if we were going to get the courage to come out here. Nana’s had cancer for a long time but it was in remission when we left. It returned shortly after her 80th Birthday, which we were privileged to attend last year. But Nana was our biggest cheerleader. She didn’t want to us to go but was basically like, “What are you waiting for, dummy? Do this thing!” And we did. Yesterday we went over and over the implications of having done such a thing. There was some self-flagellation in the form of words like “Selfish”, “Pointless”, “Childish”, “Foolish”, the list goes on. But then we thought of my cousin Christopher who is studying at Cornell and my cousin Jonathan who will be going to Syracuse. Or my cousin Kelly who served eight years in the Marines. Or my cousin Danna (on the other side of the family) who is at Penn State and soon to be doing an internship at the Scottish Parliament. Or even PopPop, Nana’s Husband and my Grandpa who served in Okinawa in the Navy in WWII. Or my Uncle Ken who was in the Marines for four years. Kristyn’s own Dad served in the Navy in the Bay of Pigs. The point is, people leave home sometimes looking for something. An experience. A career. School. A way to better yourself.

I wouldn’t say that answering phones in a film studio is the same as being on deck in the Bay of Pigs Invasion but it made us put things into perspective. We are NOT the world’s worst people (though we feel like it) for wanting something for ourselves. It DOES suck that Los Angeles, California is 3,000 miles from anywhere in NJ (our family lives all over and NJ is so small that it’s useless to pinpoint one destination). But we DO have a reason to go home again. And we ARE lucky. We are lucky to have such nice bosses that would let us go. I am lucky to have had Nana as my Grandma at all for even one day. Kristyn is lucky to have had a second-chance Grandma in both Nana and Grandma Barr as hers both passed many years ago. We are lucky to have such awesome supportive families that care about us. We are lucky to have people somewhere in the world that WOULD bemoan our leaving and cheer our return. There are a lot of people in the world that are just excited to see the goddamn back of you.

Anyway, I am blabbering and I have work to do and I don’t want to cry again. I already had to jump up and go to the bathroom while writing this because the sad Native American tear came back. (Actually there were several of them.) Ugh, I suck. Sorry if this is too melancholy. And sorry to any of my family if you feel like this post is too over-sharey. If you want, I’ll gladly change it/take stuff out you don’t want online. I just feel like since this is kind of my weird diary that I shouldn’t be flip about this shit because it IS heavy.

———

cradling the softest, warmest part of you in my hand
feels like a little baby bird fallen from the nest
i think that your body is something i understand
i think that i’m happy, i think that i’m blessed

i’ve got a lack of inhibition
i’ve got a loss of perspective
i’ve had a little bit to drink
and it’s making me think
that i can jump ship and swim
that the ocean will hold me
that there’s got to be more
than this boat i’m in

‘cuz they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound
i’m just going to get my feet wet
until i drown

and i teeter between tired
and really, really tired
im wiped and im wired but i guess its just as well
because i built my own empire
out of car tires and chicken wire
and i’m queen of my own compost heap
and i’m getting used to the smell

and i’ve got a lack of information
but i got a little revelation
and i’m climbing up on the railing
trying not to look down
i’m going to do my best swan dive
in the shark-infested waters
i’m gonna pull out my tampon
and start splashing around

‘cuz i don’t care if they eat me alive
i’ve got better thing to do than survive
i’ve got a memory of your warm skin in my hand
and i’ve got a vision of blue sky and dry land

i’m cradling the hardest, heaviest part of me in my hand
the ship is pitching and heaving, my limbs are bobbing and weaving
and i think this is what i understand
i just need a little vaccination for my far-away vacation
i’m going to go ahead boldly because a little bird told me
that jumping is easy, that falling is fun
up until you hit the sidewalk, shivering, stunned

and they can call me crazy if i fail
all the chance that i need
is one-in-a-million
and they can call me brilliant
if i succeed
gravity is nothing to me
moving at the speed of sound
i’m just gonna get my feet wet
until i drown…

You look at a cardboard box and recognize its coffin potential.

You go out to a club and when the black light comes on, you check yourself for ringworm.

You can eat lunch while cleaning up a Parvo blowout.

After seeing what goes into the washing machine at work, your own laundry doesn’t seem so dirty.

All of your pets are either 3 legged, deaf, lame, or blind in one eye.

You can detect maggots at 100 paces just by the smell.

You find a hair in your food, pull it out, and keep on eating.

You can play connect the dots with all your scars and puncture wounds.

You can put a muzzle on with ond hand.

You know the term, “pink juice” doesn’t mean Kool-Aid.

You get a rash just from LOOKING at a Shar-Pei.

You have cat hair all over your car, but don’t own a cat.

You think that a temperature of 102 is normal…for a human.

You’ve ever run out of towels, syringes, IV fluids, meds and patience all at the same time.

You no longer have a gag reflex.

When the vet asks, “What color is the patient’s diarrhea?” , you show him your shoes.

You see someone’s child throwing a fit and think it’s nothing that a serious dose of Ket/Val wouldn’t cure.

You’ve ever ‘bare-handed’ a mess.

You’ve ever set up/checked a fecal sample while eating.

You can express anal glands better than you can express your feelings.

You can identify each patient you saw that day by the hair, urine stain, vomit, anal scent, or poop smear on your scrubs

Lint rollers are on your shopping list every week.

You can smell Parvo from 200 meters.

You think a good way to handle the obnoxious drunk that’s hitting on you is with a catch pole and muzzle.

You are more afraid of a 5 lb cat than a 130 lb Rottweiler any day

You say at least once a day, “What am I doing here?”, but know that you wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Happy Vet Tech Appreciation Week, everyone!

It’s official! This morning, at a press conference on the steps of city hall, city officials declared September 10th Stand Up 2 Cancer day!

Coleen and I got to be there for the big announcement, because Coleeen is interning with Stand Up 2 Cancer. We got to see Laura Ziskin, the producer of the Stand Up 2 Cancer telethon, give a very moving speech. She is urging everyone to watch the big show on Friday and donate. No matter if it’s a couple dollars or a lot. As she said this morning, we don’t know who’s dollar it’s going to be that makes the difference and funds the ultimate cure.

On the SU2C website it says,

“The primary goal of SU2C is to raise funds for groundbreaking translational research to accelerate the delivery of new therapies to patients, getting them from the “bench to the bedside” as quickly as possible. SU2C brings together scientists from different disciplines across various institutions to work collaboratively — rather than competitively — at a critical time in the field of cancer research.
“Every day, cancer kills 1,500 Americans – one person every minute,” said executive producer Laura Ziskin. “This year, more than 560,000 Americans and eight million people worldwide will succumb to the disease. One in three women and one in two men will be diagnosed in their lifetimes. This is simply unacceptable. Our goal with this telecast is to not only continue to raise funds to accelerate promising research, but also show viewers how their money and individual action will make — and have already made — a difference. The scientists and our nation are poised to break through the final barriers to truly make this the beginning of the end of cancer.”

The show will air live simultaneously on ABC, CBS AND NBC 8 PM EST & PST / 7PM CT

To read more, check out SU2C’s website.

[YouTube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwC87ZKF1dQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player]

Recently they were competing to win a spot at The Virgin Mobile Free Fest. Well, after tallying all the votes, they announced the results of the competition the other day and they came in 2nd place out of 1,400 bands!!! Which is huge cause it just goes to show you, through all their hard work, how amazing and popular they have become.

The song they submitted for the contest, “Sleepless Aristotle” is SO good!! The melody and percussion is great, the singer’s voice is beautiful, and the violin just makes the song gorgeous. It’s such a catchy and fun song that I have been listening to it all week and totally humming it when I’m not.

I’m really proud of Nicole that she helped make something so good. I know how dedicated to her music she is and how hard she works. She definitely deserves to share in all the success they have gained and I know will continue to gain in the future.

Here’s a video of them performing “Sleepless Aristotle” at the Boro 6 Indie Music Fest in 2009. Nicole is the violinist!

[YouTube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9amtxse00Y&feature=youtube_gdata_player]

You can also read a great bio about the band here.

Figuring this to be the case, I wouldn’t download any of the programs. So now I’m locked up with this Microsoft Security Essentials screen up and it won’t let me access the Internet or anything.

I googled how to remove it on my iPhone, but it is kinda over my head. So I guess I’m going to have to take it to a local computer repair shop. I was thinking of using the Geek Squad, but I hear they are a very expensive rip off.

This just really stinks cause I can’t use my scanner or Photoshop to upload new comics. And I just got an ad for my blog placed for September on this really awesome and popular blog called The Windshield Diaries.

Hopefully, I can get this fixed soon. But
Mostly I just wish I could buy an Apple computer and be done with it. One day I’ll get my grubby paws on one!!!

(totally, totally kidding!!)

In all seriousness, thank you Coleen!!! I LOVED the posts!!!  The pictures!! And the songs!!! And you!!! I think we have the best life soundtrack ever!!!

Here’s my favorite pictures of us.  Of course, some of these pictures are totally the same as yours, but ya know, great minds think alike!

Here’s us down in Seaside (AKA The Jersey Shore) for my 20th birthday.  We went down there in the dead of winter, with everything covered in snow and all the guidos hibernating up north, and rented a hotel room with a bunch of our friends to party!  It was one of the craziest nights of my life.

This is the two of us in Epcot watching GOOD DAY NY being filmed.  They had the members of The Fifth Dimension on (they sang that song “Age of Aquarius” in the 70′s) and the lead singer Florence LaRue totally borrowed Coleen’s pink leopard print Mickey Mouse ears to do her segment.  It was awesome! 

That’s Coleen, Amanda, Tiffany, and me!!  Yes, The Tiffany of  “I Think We’re Alone Now” fame.  SO HONORED!!!!!  We met her at The Culture Club in the city.  Which is a really fun club that plays 80′s music only.  What’s more, is you tend to get hit on there by really geeky guys.  Which means, as a girl, you get bought a lot of free beer.  BUT you have to excuse yourself to go hide in the bathroom a lot.  Double-edged sword, but oh so awesome!!!

This one is me and Coleen riding through the dirrrty south in our rented convertable!! (How we got our filthy hands on a convertable, I’ll never know).  We were headed to Graceland coming from old Miss and New Orleans.  What a crazy time that was, omg… my memories include bikers, street urchins, psychics, crocodile mating calls, hookers with sharp teeth, and pitchers of beer that only cost a penny!!

Here we are in Graceland at the HeartBreak Hotel.  Some how we managed to arrive there exactly on Elvis’ birthday!  So there was some hot shot impersonator there signing autographs and taking pictures.  We didn’t realize we had totally bypassed a line of now-pissed-at-us middle aged southern women for a picture with faux-Elvis.  It was only after our eyes unglazed from his pleather shininess that we realized there was a queue full of dagger eyes!  We beat it outta there fast…We’ve seen what kinda damage riled up middle-aged women can do when they got their dander up! We been to a Rod Stewart concert!

This was in the city for St Patty’s Day.  I don’t know about other states, but in NYC/NJ you are expected to do St Patty’s day up right.  That means starting drinking at 7am and taking obscene amounts of liquor on the PATH train so you can be completely sloshed for the NYC parade at 11am!  Of course, a hundred of us went, took the PATH, got to the city and ALL HUNDRED of us had to pee, along with every other reveler in town, so I think we waited on line at the Manhattan Mall for like 3 hours, missed the entire parade, and went to this bar instead:

Here’s me and Coleen at our, like, 20th annual summer Poison concert!!! Don’t need nothin but a good time!!!! Right Sam and Frank??

Coleen and her old cat Mitten.  They were such a cute pair!!

This is the two of us meeting Janet Weiss, the drummer, from my favorite band of all time Sleater-Kinney. Unfortunately, we managed to piss her off.  We couldn’t figured out how to stand for the picture and kept wheeling around until we sensed a murderous rage from her and then we just cut the shit and posed. 

Notice Coleen’s studious piece of literature she’s got there…

So those are most of my favorite pictures.  I know there’s more, (and more recent ones), but I’d have to scour flickr for them.  Which maybe I’ll do sometime soon.  But for now, those are some of my fondest pictures of the two of us.  I’m sure the next ten years will produce some more craziness to capture on film!! 

Thank you Coleen for the best years of my life!!!  I love you!!!

To end, here’s my favorite song that makes me think of Coleen…It reminds me of back in the day when we would do the goth dance at Aldo’s and smile at each other :^.)

Here’s the actual picture of us with The Fonz. If you look closely you can pretty much see that he is, indeed, holding my hair.

I am totally in love with HBO’s “Flight of the Conchords”!! SO GOOD!! It’s got kinda like that British sitcom type of humor. Like its kinda understated and best when you know the characters, but is super clever on so many levels. I have to give a shout out to my coworker Nina for recommending it and lending the Season One DVD to Coleen and I. She figured I would like it and honestly I was hestitant at first cause I hate musicals and “funny” songs, but I am totally into this. If you haven’t watched it, you really should give it a shot.

Here’s one of my favorite songs so far. In this clip, the two guys, Bret and Jermaine (or if you want, you can call them by their tough guy rapping names: Rhymenoceros and Hiphopopotamus), are being mugged by two hoodlums. So for some odd reason, they break out into a rap:

Actually, you know what? This is exactly how I feel about Flight of the Conchords:

This is a picture of me I think around the year 2000.  My two friends Bernice and Stacey had decided to amuse themselves by dressing me up as a rather weird white trash guy.  The charming goatee I’m sporting was hair cut from one of Stacey’s wigs and held on by eyelash glue (she had a few different wigs she wore when she would go driving around town at night doing what she obscurely liked to call ”spy patrol”). 

For their own gleeful amusement, the two of them forced me to go into various blue collar dive bars around town and ask for a can of coke (I wasn’t yet 21).  To which I said, “Oh, alright”. 

It was weird.  I got a lot of looks.  I also got a couple glasses of coke though.  After like 2 bars, I told them I couldn’t do it anymore. I was done with the whole charade.  They took it well.  I think after that, they dropped me off at home. 

And that, my friends, is the old school pic of the day.